I did something totally out of my norm today. A few weeks ago, I saw an advertisement on a training session to lead a small group class at a Christian store. I've played with the idea of becoming more involved in church and helping out by teaching Sunday School class every now and then. You know, dip your toe in it…make sure you have what it takes to lead a class of adults older than you. Sadly, the only two times the store was offering the class; I couldn't attend because someone had to watch the kids during the day. As a stay-at-home mom; that's kinda in the job description. I thought, "Hey, I'm sure there are plenty of videos and podcasts on leading a small group." Spoiler alert….there are. I've watched a few, soaked in the info. Then, I saw in the church announcements, the church needed a few small group leaders for Wednesday nights. There was going to be a meeting about it tonight. I was already planning on taking my daughter to church on Wednesday evenings to attend a super cool "Jesus and Me" program. All last year she overheard a few of her friends talking about going. She really wanted to attend this year.
Now I've never led a small group or any kind of church group, ever. Totally inexperienced. I've attended several of them though. I figured I would volunteer my time to be an assistant to one of the regular leaders.
Nope. I didn't dip my toe in at all…I fell in.
I am a new small group leader for Wednesday nights.
I'm super excited…but super scared. This is so unlike me!! I'm so unqualified. I have that feeling like you've fluffed your resume a little too much and now you find yourself in a job way over your head. Yeah…. (I was totally honest and told them I've never led a group before. So I was perfectly ok being someone's assistant.) They are taking the phrase "have a little faith" to a whole other level.
I will be teaching a 7 week study on the book of Ruth. Get this, when I was a college gal at Auburn University. I became a sister of an amazing professional agriculture sorority, Sigma Alpha. This was a time in my life when I had ambitions and heavily involved in the sorority, my Ag major, and student job. I made incredible life long bonds with some extraordinary girls, several I still keep in contact. The sorority valued the book of Ruth for the example of Ruth's loyalty to Naomi when Ruth could have washed her hands of Naomi. This speaks to me. I'm finding a spark within me that I haven't had since training to ride horses nearly two years ago.
I can't help but to think of my loyalty to my family. In the darkest period of post-partum depression, I thought about running away from my duties as a mother and wife. I honestly felt I wasn't qualified or worthy enough to take care of my children, especially my son. My depressed state told me they would be better off without me. Yet, my bond of loyalty kept me here. I couldn't break my vow of loyalty to my husband as a wife, my unspoken vow of loyalty as a mother. So, as Ruth stood by Naomi's side; I continued to battle my depression and fight for my children and husband. I continue to fight.
God has led me to this step in my life for a reason. God always has a plan for us, even if we do not understand it and it scares us. I don't know what will come of this study group. Yet, I feel like God has plans for it. Why else would I feel so moved to do something so against my normal state?
I will obviously be blogging about this experience. I'm going to trust Carrie Underwood and let Jesus take the wheel on this one.