Hope for tomorrow…


Today was definitely one of those days. I was so worn out, looked at my watch, just to see it was only noon. There was no chance for decent naps and I was already feeling defeated. My struggle with PPA/PPD is getting the best of me, even after a nice long walk this morning. Actually, that walk consisted of a lot of crying. Sleep eluded me last night, which set me up for a difficult day. Our Summer is booking up with trips and camps, and I know I need to seek better counseling. The therapist I see tends to cancel last minute and it’s difficult to get another appointment. That in itself stresses me. I am so far behind in discussing matters with her and I feel as though she doesn’t offer any techniques to help me cope. I try to push myself to keep up interest in things, like this blog. But I find it difficult. I make excuses that I’m traveling or I have visitors. Yet, if I’m honest; I just don’t have the drive. It is the same for exercising and cooking. If I didn’t have two kids that depend on me, I wouldn’t leave the bed. 

 SP was extra sassy and LB was extremely fussy. I’m not sure why he was so fussy, because he normally has a joyous demeanor and uplifts my spirit. His giant, toothless grin melts my heart into a puddle of joy. I have a hard time finding the right words to describe his personality. Words like happy or joyous just doesn’t do it justice. It is the way he looks at me. It is as if he has every ounce of what was my happiness inside of him. As if, because of his PKU, God has given him this amazing positive outlook on life to help him through it. That sounds weird though. He had a pediatrician visit for his second round of vaccinations from his 6 month wellness this afternoon, right in the middle of nap. SP had to choose today of all days to test her limits with me. I didn’t have a shred of patience for her attitude. Luckily, we were in and out at the Doc’s. LB was a trooper and only cried for his last shot, and that only lasted long enough for his thumb to find his mouth. But he was sure to mean mug the nurse, which she thinks is darling. Haha! Poor LB, he tries to look mean but winds up looking adorable. I put SP down for a quick nap immediately. She has learned some not so polite language at school and is testing me with it. Not cuss words, but words like poophead, peepeeface. Words that I find inappropriate for her to use and not in a nice manner. I knew it was a matter of time until she began testing me with them because she tells me her friends say them all the time. She’s getting a first hand lesson in that I’m not like other parents. Truthfully, I don’t take issue with her saying poop or peepee; but I will not have her calling people names. LB ended up falling asleep too. So, I did have one hour to myself to accomplish some of the things around the house. I did make a pretty awesome supper. I will share that on Friday, because it is a healthy meal. Of course, now I realize I scarfed it down before I took pictures. Hmmm…

I also realize tonight’s post is supposed to be about midwifery. However, the legislation is on a two week break. They will be back next week. Both bills, HB 315 and HB 316, passed the House committees. Now, they must take on the Senate. A midwifery bill hasn’t ever been this far before! Pretty exciting stuff! I will continue to send my emails. I think most of the supporters are voicing their opinions on Twitter. However, I couldn’t possibly manage another social media account. I still haven’t uploaded photos from Thanksgiving or Chirstmas to FaceBook. Haha. It’s terrible, really. Maybe I will find the drive and time soon. 

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