Wednesday I shared that my 2017 goal word was “healing”. Since September, I’ve struggled with post-partum depression. To be frank, it’s hit hard. Every time I think I’ve gained a little control, it comes back full force to slap me in the face. I’ve laid out a game plan to work towards my goal. My struggle is similar to an open wound.
The first thing you need to do to help a wound heal, is to clean it. My first thought to cleanse my wound would be to back away from social media. Back away, as in totally deleting everything. This blog, Facebook, and Instagram…gone. Just totally go invisible online. Then I thought it out a little further. I do have family and friends that the best way to communicate is through Facebook. Plus, it allows me to share photos to my family and friends, that otherwise wouldn’t be able to see my kids. I feel that it just wouldn’t be fair to them to cut off our best communication source. Unless it is through text, I’m not a big phone talker. (With kids, it’s hard to talk on the phone because you are interrupted 20 million bajillion times.) Surprisingly, more businesses use Facebook as a form of communication over email. I wouldn’t want to miss out on announcements if by chance I missed the email or note sent home. As far as this blog goes, I really enjoy the outlet of writing and reading others’ blogs. Since I link it to Facebook, my family and friends are able to keep up with our lives in more detail if they wish. I’ve had several people tell me they enjoy the blog. However, I am going to be scaling back my time on Facebook and the blog. I am leaning towards deleting Instagram though. I am also going to be weeding out my friend list on Facebook. I tend to hold on to distant memories of people and do not realize that in actuality there is no longer a connection there. We have very little in common and we do not communicate often. (I just hope Facebook doesn’t decide to delete actual friends like the last purge I did. Yeesh, that was a nightmare.) So, there is my cleaning solution. This will allow me to have more time to focus on my husband, kids, and hobbies.
The second step to healing a wound is to apply ointment or medication. To do that, I am going to seek out a more regular scheduled therapist. Right now I go see a therapist once a month and it just isn’t helping. It is more of a talking session, as opposed to learning ways to cope with the stress, depression, and anxiety I deal with. My therapist in Alabama spoiled me because he not only listened; but offered insight and coping techniques. Hopefully, I can find a therapist here to do the same. Another form of medication is exercise. I want to focus on my physical health too. It is something that I have slacked off and I need to make time for. I think surrounding yourself with positive friendships is also key. I’ve made a few friends here and I want to put time into building those relationships. My final ointment will be spending more time in the Bible to rebuild my relationship and faith in God. My faith has taken a toll since the PKU diagnosis. It feels like no one seems to understand how difficult it will be for LB growing up with such a restrictive diet, that isn’t even a guarantee to protect him from health issues. I struggle with the concept of denying my child food when he is hungry, watching him struggle to stay on diet as he grows into adulthood, and the countless other future struggles I know he will endure as he grows. Part of my struggle is not understanding God’s design for this. What good is coming from LB’s PKU? I don’t have an answer to these questions. But I can tell you I am hurt and angry.
The final step to healing a wound is to protect it with a bandage. My bandage is going to be trusting in God to heal me. I pray He will guide me through this whole healing process. I pray He will guide me to the right friendships that will strengthen my relationship with Him. I pray He will use our church family, friends, and family to surround me with positivity, insight, and courage as I walk with LB’s PKU. Mainly, I pray that with His strength I and my family can accept and move on with LB’s PKU. I pray we come out of 2017 stronger than before.