We are in the fourth day of 2017. It is already testing the success for my goals for this year. Monday evening SP had a 102.5 fever and complained her tummy hurt. Other than that, she was her normal, bouncing off the walls SassyPants. She was upset that she would be missing her first day back at school and gymnastics class on Tuesday. (She has been missing her friends, one male friend in particular -you know who you are.) Tuesday morning she was still had the fever at 102.8. We saw our favorite Pediatrician, who determined SP had the flu. She is missing her entire week of school. Talk about one bummed out kid! I’ve quarantined her to the upstairs playloft to watch all of her favorite movies and eat snacks. LB is quarantined downstairs. I am essential oiling, washing, and lysoling everything to keep him protected. It would not be good for a three month old to get the flu. But with the PKU, it really wouldn’t be good. He is limited from certain medications due to PHE levels and artificial sugars within them. Needless to say, I am tired and stressed. I did get a laugh out of these:
As I stated last year, I am not a fan of “resolutions”. However, I do like to make a few changes to the new year to improve my life. I usually assign a word to the year. 2016 was consistent. I wanted to be consistent in my fitness, diet, and parenting aspects of my life. I thought I was doing pretty well on those until the last month of my pregnancy, at least the fitness and diet. After the PKU diagnosis, I just fell off the Earth when it came to fitness, diet and parenting.
This year, my word is “heal”. I want to heal in 2017. I want to find my happiness. It probably won’t be like before; but a new happy. I would like to find my passion for fitness and healthy eating again. I’ve lost my motivation to workout and to eat healthy. I just feel empty inside. Not only do I not have the time, I don’t have the energy. This depression has zapped me. My main goal for this year is to heal from this depression. I want to be a better mom, wife, and friend. Mainly, I want to stop crying and being angry at every damn thing. Usually, when I hit a rough patch, I pick up the pieces and I find a way to cope. I evolve and move on. I become stronger. Right now, I’m the kenneled, terrified dog in the PETA or HSUS commercials with Sara McLachlan playing in the background. I can’t seem to find my pieces to pick up and make me stronger. And that angers me. I’ve always been resilient in any situation. I need to find my resilience and heal this year. I just haven’t figured out how to do that yet.