Yesterday SP had a little Thanksgiving Feast with a little performance at her preschool. However, the poor kiddo couldn’t find me during the song; which led to her crying for me instead of singing. I couldn’t make my way closer to her through the sea of parents, especially with LB strapped to me. I’m so short that I couldn’t even see her either. I felt so bad for her. I know she was full of excitement to sing the song with her class. Next time I will be sure to be more assertive in making my way to her. I think there will be a Christmas program, so hopefully she will see me and sing her little heart out.
The husband set up my gym area in the garage. I am finally able to workout again. I’ve been slowly introducing running for a few weeks. I lifted weights for the first time in months on Wednesday. I am still sore, but it feels good to be back at it. Diet will be my main issue through the holidays, but I must try to eat as healthy as possible. You can’t out work a bad diet. Plus, I’m tired of my clothes not fitting properly.
I’ve been on Zoloft for the PPD for a little over a month now. Honestly, I’m on the fence about continuing to take it. While it has helped me with my crying outbursts, I’m still irritable and anxious. Plus, no matter the type of breakfast I eat, I get really nauseous after taking it for a couple of hours. My appetite has increased, so I’m hungry all the time. Then, when I workout, I end up nauseous and starving. I even tried eating a light snack before going running, which didn’t help. I end up dry heaving and feeling faint. I’ve even began having acne (which is odd for me). I remember having the same issues a number of years ago while taking another anti-depressant medication. After I stopped the medication, I began losing weight, the nausea went away, I was able to workout without getting sick or fainting, and my skin cleared up right away. I’ve been thinking of trying a more holistic approach to combat the anxiety and depression. The ability to workout would be a great starting point. I’ve even began looking into aromatherapy, like essential oils or something similar.
I’m not sure what I will decide to do. I know I don’t want to go back to crying everyday, all day though. It has helped that I’ve made a few friends here. They have been so amazing by encouraging me, listening to me, and watching SP during school trips while I tend to LB. I think breaking my silence on struggling with PPD and the PKU diagnosis has helped tremendously. This is our life now. All we can do is pick up the pieces, put them back together with some added pieces, and make sure SP and LB have the best journey into adulthood. And that adulthood is coming too fast if you ask me. Today I watched a video of SP just learning how to walk. That seems like yesterday and so long ago at the same time. She said she couldn’t wait to teach LB to walk and run like her. She has such a big heart for him.