goodbye twenties. hello, dirty thirties.
Today is my 30th birthday. I didn’t have a celebration like I planned. I was going to notify my hometown friends that I was visiting, invite everyone to dinner, and then go bar hopping later. Really bring in the thirties. That didn’t happen.
One, when I began planning this shindig, I thought our son was be a month old or a little over. I figured I could pump enough milk for the husband to feed him for the weekend. Well, the son decided to wait until his due date to make his appearance.
Two, we had our week from hell, which included me figuring out I couldn’t breastfeed or pump milk. And the issues began snowballing from there. All of the stress and emotion overwhelmed me. I realized after a full week of anxiety, self isolation, and constant tears; I was dealing with what seemed like postpartum depression. Three and a half weeks later, I am still struggling to keep my emotions under control and my life afloat. I lost interest in celebrating my birthday. I’m fairly certain we can all agree I am in fact dealing with postpartum depression.
Three, Hurricane Matthew.
So, what did I do today to celebrate? I took our daughter to pre-school. I fought fear stricken people at the gas station to top off the mom-mobile. I waited in line for 15-20 minutes to get to a pump. People were cutting each other off to get gas, creating longer lines. Then, I get inside the grocery store for a few items. (Remember, I have my son and his feeding time is upon me.) More craziness. People are clearing out the shelves and there are long lines to check out. I stood in line for a solid 30 minutes. By the time I got home, I only had time to feed the son and turn right around to pick up the daughter from school. The remainder of the day, I did laundry and dishes. My phone was constantly ringing with cancellations from appointments and school beginning tomorrow. One of those appointments was with a therapist for the postpartum depression. The next appointment I could get was in November. At this point, it’s like what’s the point in going?! It definitely didn’t help the stress level any. Kinda added insult to injury. Oh, we know you are struggling, and you were courageous enough to get help; but we have to cancel and reschedule you a month away.
My husband, being the sweetheart he is, has tried to make my birthday special; even with the circumstances. He’s done a great job. Also, receiving so many texts, calls, and facebook posts from so many family and friends have uplifted my mood and made me feel loved. Thank y’all so much!
Brian hung decorations at 4 this morning before going into work. He rushed over to our favorite bakery on his lunch break to pick up my specially made turtle cheesecake. He even left work on time to come home to cook me supper, jambalaya with andouille. My daughter has sung me her versions of “happy birthday” all day. The kiddos bought me an iPad Pro and the husband bought me a black pearl and diamond necklace. I’ve wanted that necklace for years. I can blog and facetime on the iPad. I am super excited to play around on it. Good thing I have all day tomorrow to do just that.