It doesn’t happen often…but tonight, I am at a loss for words. I just really do not have any one thing I have to talk about.

I did have a midwife appointment this morning for my 38th week. I am officially considered full term. In other words…


And let me tell you, there are some days that I really feel labor is imminent. Yesterday was one of those days. I was getting ready for church and I began to feel super tired and sore. I just needed to lay down. Needless to say, we missed church. Although we are new to the church, our Sunday School leader emailed me to check on us. It has meant so much! (Especially since I’ve been a little hurt that no one from our previous church has reached out to us to see how we are doing. You go to a church for over a year, and you would think someone would reach out when you suddenly quit attending. I don’t know, if that is just me. It is what it is though. Sometimes, you are not making the connections you thought you were with people. It is a major reason why I tend to be a lone wolf mama.)

Speaking of being a lone wolf, I left my appointment extremely stressed. I met with the final midwife that could attend our birth. She was incredibly concerned with the fact that we plan on having our daughter attend the birth. She was insistent that we have another adult or babysitter to watch our child at our home, their home, or at the birth center. I think I have explained, until I am blue in the face, that our options are limited regarding childcare. Plus, the fact that I want my daughter present for the birth of her brother. I do not want to exclude her. Our back up plan if she was to become unhappy, is that my husband would have to leave with her. Is it ideal? No, but it is what it is. What really shocked me is the suggestion to reach out on a facebook group for childcare. As in have a total stranger watch my 3 year old child. Excuse my French, but are you f**king serious? This is the second time this suggestion has been brought up. I mean, really?! There is no amount of desperation that would convince me that is a safe or good idea. I’m sorry; but I have to know you better than a few meetings to feel comfortable leaving my child with you. Maybe this is yet another example of going against the grain for me and why I feel most comfortable being a lone wolf mama.

I will leave you with a slight funny from the appointment though. As the midwife was going on and on about finding a “non-parent adult” to watch our child, my child unscrewed the light bulb from the lamp that is used for…uh, vaginal examinations…. My daughter totally unscrewed it and said, “Here you go. It wasn’t working.” and handed it to the midwife. The midwife was like, “OMG! That’s so dangerous!” I thought it was funny, because that is so my child. She was just trying to show that she was a helper. It also shows that she is too much like her father…always trying to figure out how things work.

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