Agree To Disagree

Dear Moms,

Can’t we just agree to disagree about certain motherhood subjects and be friendly/supportive toward one another anyway?

I have a hard time being a part of mommy groups, whether that is in person or over social media. I find that these groups are formed for a well meaning purpose of support. (Being a mom is a tough job!) However, it quickly becomes a place of complaints, judgements, and bashing each other.

I’ve written this post several times, then deleted it. It is why I have been so quiet these past few days. But I feel like I need to get it off my chest. No wonder so many moms feel isolated and alone.

Oh, and if you are the “mean” mom, “crafty” mom, “perfectionist” mom, “healthy” mom; don’t bother joining these groups or speaking your suggestions. It isn’t welcomed. You are being a snarky bitch, judging the “normal” moms that live hectic, common lives. And if you are childless, you have no opinion. Do not speak, better yet, you aren’t a mom; so you cannot be a part of the mom group. All you do is wave your childless freedom in our hectic mommy tied down faces. Until you have a child, you need not apply to our group…do not apply if you are any of the moms referenced above either. You all are Judge-y Mcjudge Judges to us common moms. If you only have one child, again, do not comment unless you also live a hectic, common life; but not to a mom of more than one child. You wouldn’t understand. Huh, you have a husband that helps you out? And you wanted to share how great he is? Nope, you are denied. Only moms that have complaints towards their husbands (who are overgrown kids, really) and children are allowed to share thoughts in the mommy group. All you are doing is rubbing our faces in your perfect marriage, which is an illusion. You had time to shower everyday this week? Uh, definitely denied. You are uncommon. You are waving your luxurious shower in our faces. You must be one of the moms mentioned above to have time to shower more than once a week or put on make-up. You have a SO (significate other)? Aren’t you lucky, I’m single…doing it all by myself.

You see what I did there? That is what I see in these groups. ALL THE TIME! There isn’t any support there. Poor dads, I cannot find one single “dad support group”. I did find a couple of blogging dads…which the dad perspective on childrearing is hilarious. I saw a lot of support, light-hearted jester, and dad differences on several of the blogs. No competition, no wife bashing, etc. that you commonly find in a mom blog or group.

However, if we uplifted and encouraged; being in a mommy group would be nice.

Wow, it is so amazing you craft with your kids. Would you mind sharing that? I know your life/marriage isn’t perfect; however, your comments about life/kids/husband are so sweet. I hope to find a little more balance to my hectic life. Wow, mom, way to stand your ground with your kids. I could use some discipline tips. Thanks, for that discipline tip; but I don’t think spanking/time out is for us at this moment. Hey moms, I’m thinking of y’all today. We do so much for our families that seem to go unnoticed, but I’m positive it is being noticed, just not mentioned. Hey, thanks for that quick, healthy meal you posted. My family usually grabs fast food. Thanks so much for the encouraging words; today has been rough for me. Thanks for the tips on how to communicate with the hubby that I needed more help from him with the kids. While I don’t have children yet, the children I babysit have been enjoying the crafts/recipes/etc. y’all share. I’m a child therapist, and a technique we use for that is…. I hope it helps!  Hey working mom, I’m sorry you feel left out of raising your child. Breastfeeding isn’t going so well? I’m sorry you are having difficulties, I did too. Or if you do not agree with the post or comment, say nothing.

There are plenty of times I read or hear a mom say something that I think, “Yeesh, I don’t agree with that at all!” But I say nothing, because I know my opinion wouldn’t change anything. Obliviously, you should speak up in cases of abuse or neglect. Or if you hear a mom considering a dangerous, out dated, untrue parenting technique. For example, old teething remedies.

My point is: We are all moms or want to be at some point. Whether you are working or stay-at-home, single or married, helicopter or free range, formula or breastfeed, religious or not, healthy or junk food, crafty or not, medicated or un-medicated birth, vaccinated or unvaccinated, yada yada yada, or some where in between…we are all in this together. We need encouragement, respect, love…we need to look out for one another. We need to get over this selfish demeanor, accept our differences, and unite in love for our children.

At the end of the day we are all tired, all have unfinished work, we are all changed by children. But that’s just my opinion. I aim to support, give respectful and encouraging advice, and up lift others.

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