Blog Issues & New Book

Monday, I had several “clean” recipes to share. However, WordPress would not load. Aftera hour of trying to figure out what I may have been doing wrong or maybe my internet wasn’t working, I gave up. {Technology easily frustrates me.} Now, I see I have a completely different page layout. So, I will assume WordPress was undergoing an update.

My parents came for a visit, which is another reason why I was so quiet on here. {And became so frustrated at the blog, because I only had so much time to blog.}

Of course, I needed to calm down after my blog fiasco. Coffee and a book always work and I had a few minutes to kill. A few weeks ago, I purchased a new Kindle book for a quick read some time in the future. {I am still working on reading through my bible study, but it needs more time for actual study; not quick, casual reading.} The new book is “Parenting with Purpose: How to Raise Well-Behaved Children and Build a Strong Parent-Child Relationship” by Nina V. Garcia. She is honest about not being a doctor or author, but just a mom that noticed some common pitfalls in child-parent relationships and child behavior and began a blog.

{I usually take child rearing books with a grain of salt. I all too often see parents wanting to “love” their children into behaving and the children are usually absolute terrors. Most books play right into that ideology or invent reasons why certain punishments, spanking, is a must and make the parent-child relationship fear based. When my daughter misbehaves, there is an appropriate consequence to the action, but not to the point of fearing me.}

Lately, I’ve noticed my daughter has picked up a few naughty habits from daycare. Simple things like whining, not listening, throwing toys, and tantrums that has her spending a lot of time in the thinking chair. It has me becoming annoyed with her and raising my voice, after repeating myself 20 plus times. Perfect example is picking up toys after she is finished playing with them. Normally, she is more than willing to pick all of them up by herself, lately she ignores me and/or whines. I noticed at daycare, while the teachers tell them to clean up, the teachers do most of the cleaning with the children still playing or standing there. So, now, she just continues to play, walks around singing the clean up song, or pitches a whiney fit, without cleaning up. So, I needed some points on correcting these behaviors because time-out isn’t working and I don’t want to yell at her. Garcia provided some interesting points. {Granted, I’m only half-way through the book. I will do a more in depth review after I finish it.} However, one point I’ve began with my daughter is “connection”. I take a few minutes to fully pay attention and connect with her before I begin any house work or supper. My daughter had been acting out to receive my attention while I try to cook or do some housework. Now, I spend a few minutes building blocks, reading a book, or something that really engages our relationship; that seems to help her when I need to disengage to do something. The second suggestion that Garcia makes, that follows up on my previous post, is making a schedule/routine. Making sure your child has the same daily routine of eating and sleeping around the same times. By implementing this, you know if your child’s behavior is due to being hungry, tired, or an outburst that needs your re-direction. After I pick up my daughter from daycare, she is usually a little hungry and super tired for nap. She has an afternoon nap at 2 everyday. I’ve always given her a small snack and allowed her to watch tv, then we would cry and scream the whole walk to her room for nap. Now, I engage with her during that 30 minute snack window. While she snacks, I snuggle up to her, give her hugs and kisses, and ask her about her morning at daycare. When she is finished, I tell her it is nap time and she says, “Ok, I am soooooo tired.” and the nap time quarrel is no more. I do the same for cleaning up her toys before bed. She knows after supper we have a few minutes to play toys with daddy. So we play and then make a game out of cleaning up. Who can pick up the blocks faster? How many toys can you put in the tote bag? Oh, Mommy and Daddy are too slow! Kiddo is so fast! Thank you for cleaning up your toys with us. By positive commenting and making a game, she enjoys and receives the connection she needs/wants. The whole family is happy before bedtime. Simple adjustments of connecting and routines, have made a big impact on our relationship already.

I want to have the kind of relationship with my daughter that she knows she can come to me for anything. That is a trust filled relationship, not fear based. I did not have that relationship with my parents. They were strict and over-reactive to things that were out of my and their control. {It was their way of loving and protecting me.} They could hear or see another kid or kid’s parents do something they did not approve of (listening to certain music/ allow older sibling to babysit younger siblings and friends) and I would be constantly reminded not to associate with that child. And if I did anyway, I would face consequences. I wasn’t allowed to watch television during the week, so if I was grounded and wasn’t allowed to watch tv on the weekends for weeks. It made me fear consequences, have anxiety over any social situations, not trust, and resent my parents in my youth. As an adult, I struggle with anxiety, over-reacting, and trying to control things out of my control. It is one of the main reasons kids at school bullied me and thought I was so up-tight, anti-social, and {frankly} a bitch. I just didn’t want to be in trouble because of someone else. A prank phone call to most parents was an annoyance, but normal of teens; to my parents, it meant I was up to something or making friends with delinquents. So, if I was in real need {like being bullied}, I didn’t go to my parents. I was too fearful of getting in trouble. I just put up with it and tried to be invisible. I want my daughter to come to me with her issues, so we can figure out a way to solve them. Not fear my reactions or consequences, to her situation. I cannot wait to finish this book and give you a more in depth review. It may change your mind on how you parent or may parent.

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